May 24, 2017
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The topic this week was inspired by listener Jennifer
Linda, Can you read the email from Jennifer?
Jennifer wrote:
I've attended Al-Anon for about 3 years as well as O.A. I’ve been
thinking about the difference between anger and wrath with the
definition of anger being “a strong feeling of annoyance,
displeasure, or hostility” and wrath being “vengeance or punishment
as the consequence of anger.”
Anger is an important emotion. It lets us know when something is
wrong, sometimes inside and sometimes outside of us. It motivates
us to make change, because we are uncomfortable, dissatisfied or
unsafe. However, anger is a secondary emotion. It’s protective of
more vulnerable feelings such as fear and grief.
For many years of my life I was out of touch with the feelings
protected by my anger. Growing up, I lacked good role models to
show me how to value my dignity and the dignity of others while
addressing anger.
Wrath comes out of uncontrolled anger and a desire to punish. Wrath
holds no space for compassion or human dignity, neither for self or
other. Wrath requires purity of intent and of outcome. It is
insolent and volatile. It seeks to shore up its own ego. It is
intolerant of the uncertainty and imperfection inherent to the
experience of being alive. It holds an unattainable ideal that will
eventually leave it cast into exile along with the “offenders.”
I'd like a discussion about:
What is anger for you?
What is wrath for you?
How are they different?
How are they the same?
Is anger ok? Why or why not?
Is wrath ok? Why or why not?
At what point does anger turn into wrath?
Why is wrath bad for you? What are the consequences?
-What are the barriers to feeling our anger and getting to the
underlying feelings?
-What are the rewards of doing this work and what are the
consequences of not doing it.
-How can we make ourselves ready, willing and able to do this
work.
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