May 18, 2016
Starting out our new life in recovery involves taking chances, making decisions that can be life-altering, trying out healthier behaviors and working the 12-steps to firmly ground ourselves in sobriety. It’s an incredible undertaking, a journey that is ongoing. We are never done with recovery. We are at it forever, one day at a time.
What about being able to trust yourself to do the right thing? Well, since most individuals in recovery have a difficult time with this, let’s talk about learning how to trust yourself again.
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Step 1 - Start With a Clean Slate
When you came in, did your slate need cleaning?
What is your experience with this?
How do you “drop the rock”?
How do you forget the past?
How do you focus on the positive?
First and foremost, there’s no point in carrying a lot of baggage from the past now that you’re in recovery. Having gone through treatment and made the decision to live your life clean and sober, you have a new chapter in front of you. Forget about the mistakes that you made in the past. You are not your past. It doesn’t define you or dictate your future. Only you can do that, and you’ve already decided that you’re going to live to the fullest of your ability and be in effective long-term recovery.
Starting off with this clean slate will make it easier to concentrate on healing and growing more self-confident. As your self-confidence increases, you’ll find that making decisions becomes a little easier as well.
Step 2 - Build Upon Your Successes
What does this mean to you?
How can this help?
Do you have experience with this?
How do you do this?
How do you “remember” your successes?
When you’re just starting recovery, there’s so much to do all at once. The tendency is to either go gung-ho and try to do it all or sink back on the couch in despair because you don’t think you can tackle all that you feel you need to do. The key thing here is to embrace recovery and work it slowly, thoughtfully each day. When you experience a success – such as your first week of sobriety, first month, and so on – think of this as a building block. One successful achievement leads to another and another and so on.
Successes can be anything that you deem important. It could be
that you’re finally able to have a meaningful conversation about
your newly-won sobriety with your spouse or that you’ve worked out
a realignment of your workload with your supervisor to accommodate
your attendance at 12-step meetings and gradually ramping up you
job responsibilities. It could be successfully overcoming cravings
by using the coping mechanisms you learned during treatment.
Perhaps you find that being able to go to work each day is a
success – especially if you had great difficulties with this prior
However you define success, when you achieve it, build upon it. You will be making it easier to learn how to trust yourself again.
Step 3 - Ask for Help
When you were new, was this difficult? Why?
How did you do it early on?
Do you ask for help now?
Why is this important?
Who do you ask for help?
No one expects you to go it alone. In fact, no one recovers
alone. You need the support and encouragement of others. Two of
your most important support networks are your family and your
12-step groups. Naturally, you’ll feel raw and confused when you
first begin recovery. Go ahead and ask for help from your loved
ones as well as your 12-step sponsor.
Your loved ones already know about your past problems – they’ve lived with them. Of course they want you to move forward in recovery. If you feel reluctant to discuss your fears with them, that’s understandable. But don’t miss out on the opportunity to open the lines of communication at home. Give it some time and bring up the subject when you feel comfortable. Ask for support from your spouse or loved ones.
It may be easier to go first to your 12-step sponsor – once you find one. After all, that’s what the sponsor is there for, to help support and encourage newcomers like you to recovery. The sponsor has been where you are, felt what you’re feeling, and knows all about how difficult it can be to trust yourself again. The advice and counsel you receive from your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members can make all the difference in the world when you’re learning how to trust yourself again.
Step 4 - Regaining Self-Trust Requires Action
What actions do you take to regain trust in yourself?
It’s important to note here that the ability to trust yourself again requires that you do something. You can’t just sit back and expect or hope that you’ll regain your self-trust. It just doesn’t happen that way. Self-trust never occurs in a vacuum: it results from actions that you undertake.
Look at regaining trust as a process of self-discovery or rediscovery, as it more appropriately is. Once you possessed some measure of self-trust. You probably didn’t think much about it until you lost your self-respect, until you sunk so deep in your substance abuse or other addictive behaviors that you and others doubted your word. Your actions then were anything but trustworthy. But back to regaining the trust you lost in yourself, it can be done. But you do have to make conscious decisions in many areas of your new life in recovery in order to learn how to trust yourself again.
Step 6 - How Do You Know You Trust Yourself Again?
When you’re going along in recovery, doing the things on your daily schedule, crossing off goals on your list, taking care of yourself in the best way you can, how do you know if you really trust yourself again? That’s a good question. The truth of the matter is that you probably won’t think about self-trust as a general rule. It’s not a subjec that springs automatically to mind on a daily basis. It’s not like getting up, eating breakfast, getting ready for work, going to work, attending 12-step meetings, spending time with the family, or going to bed. It’s not on your daily schedule. Trust isn’t a topic you sit around analyzing for hours on end. Trust, especially trust in yourself, is something that develops over time and results from self-accomplishment of goals and belief in your own abilities to do what you need to do in recovery.
You might go for several months without ever thinking about whether you trust yourself or not. However, the fact that you’ll be able to weigh and balance different options and make a decision as to what is right for you in various situations will be evidence that you have begun to trust yourself again. You look at what’s available to you, sift through the pros and cons of each course of action, and make a determination as to your course of action. And trust, remember, requires action. When you are actively involved in decision-making regarding your recovery, you’re building your reservoir of self-trust.
Other Tips to Learning How To Trust Yourself Again
What other tips do you have?
There are many ways to learn how to trust yourself again. For each individual in recovery, there may be hundreds of things that work or just a significant few. Experiment. Be bold. Take what works and do more of it. Try some things that are new.
Buy or download literature, brochures, pamphlets, FAQs and other resources from the various 12-step groups. Take out books on recovery from the local library. Watch programs that deal with overcoming substance abuse or process addictions. Become as knowledgeable as you can about recovery and realize that there’s always something new in the field that can prove helpful to you in your journey.
One day, when you’re ready – when you’ve been in effective
recovery for at least a year – you may wish to consider becoming a
12-step sponsor to another newcomer. When you reach the point where
you are able to handle with confidence the challenges and
opportunities that come your way with confidence, you’ll know that
you’ve learned how to trust yourself again. Being in recovery
doesn’t mean that you’ll always have all the answers. It does mean
that you’ll be armed with the tools you need to be able to make the
determination about the right thing to do – and then do it.
Recovery is an exciting journey. It’s all about discovering – and rediscovering – who you are, who you intend to be, and what you’re willing to do to get there. Learning how to trust yourself again is part of the evolotion of the brand-new you.
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Jen from Maryland
What would you say to the new guy?
What would you say to the new guy about this topic?